When a colleague of mine recently went on a first date, her friends afterward asked her what the guy’s last name was. She didn’t know because it hadn’t come up and was given a bit of a hard time for not knowing.

When she told me about this, I had to laugh and disagree with her friends. To me knowing your date’s last name isn’t something that typically comes up on the first date unless you’re asking about the person’s heritage or something along those lines. Otherwise, needing to know the last name is a little out of context and you likely just want to stalk them on Facebook.

That conversation with my colleague got me to the topic of this column – things you should and shouldn’t do on the first date.

The first date should be very shallow, almost superficial. You’re just skimming the surface to find out if the two of you have chemistry, have similar interests and any attraction to one another.

Dig too deep and you might ruin the chance for a second date.

Let’s start with what you shouldn’t do on a first date.

Don’ts:

1. Talk about your ex. This is a cardinal sin on the first date. It comes off as if you’re not over your ex, you’re bitter or you’re comparing the new person to the old one already. Not a good idea. It’s a huge turn off and not something you should talk about for quite a few dates in. This also means don’t ask about your date’s relationship past on the first date either. That’s way too deep of a conversation to be having right off the bat and can completely throw the chemistry and mood of your date.

2. Get drunk. No. No. No. Sure you might want to have a couple to take the edge off or calm your nerves, but getting drunk isn’t only a bit classless; it lessens your mental and physical inhibitions which can open the flood gates for MANY “too deep” conversations and bad decisions. Your date will end up running for the hills or taking you to bed and never calling again. Tip: when you feel yourself getting tipsy, get a water.

3. Talk about how you want to get married/have kids/grow old together. It’s the first date. Even if you’re thinking these things or getting your hopes up already, for the love of God keep it to yourself, especially if you’re a girl. It’s the first date! Your date’s still trying to figure out what he/she thinks of your favourite movie – talking about popping out some babies will send him or her into flight mode even if they ARE incredibly attracted to you. Yes it’s important to figure out what the other person wants in terms of a future, especially if you’re older, but at least try to save that for the second date.

4. Dig for compliments. Putting yourself down to hopefully get a, “No you don’t, you look great” will come off as you being insecure and desperate for some positive reinforcement. Confidence is key, especially for us older people and both sexes are hugely attracted to confidence. If you start nitpicking at your looks, your weight, your age, whatever, you’re immediately bringing your insecurities into the limelight and putting a dampener on the conversation. Keep it light, keep it fun and most importantly, keep it confident.

5. Talk about politics or religion. I’m kind of on the fence with this one myself, because I’m intrigued by politics and like to talk about it, even if the other person votes for a different party than I do. I don’t get hot under the collar about it, however, and many people do, so if you’re extremely passionate about your stance on politics or religion and you know you’re going to get fired up about it, leave it alone for a couple dates. Again, you want to keep things shallow. Dig deeper later.

Do’s:

1. Be yourself. Even if you have some hesitancy about your laugh or how loud or quiet you are, be your genuine self on the first date. Why? Because that way you can gauge whether or not that person is right for you. If they are they’ll like you for who you are and you don’t waste your time trying to be someone you’re not. Everyone has flaws, but some people will find your flaws endearing. You’d be surprised.

2. Try to pay for the bill. This goes to both sexes. Girls, it’s kind of rude just to expect the guy to foot the bill, even if you think he should. At least offer to pay or pull out your credit card. If he says, “No I got it,” that’s great, but at least you made an effort to contribute plus he’ll love the fact you offered. Also it’s 2012 and there’s no shame in women trying to pay once in a while. Oh and whoever pays, tip well. No one likes a cheapskate.

3. Laugh.

4. Make eye contact, even if you’re shy. It shows that you’re interested and engaged in what your date’s saying.

5. Dress nice. I’m looking at you, guys. There’s nothing wrong with jeans so long as you wear a button-up or polo shirt with them, but for the love of good leave the ball cap and T-shirt at home. Ladies, don’t show too much skin. It comes across like you have different intentions. Rather than just getting to know the guy it looks like you want to get to know what his bed looks like as well. Keep it classy and keep your makeup pretty but simple.

6. Text the person when you get home. Did you have a great date? Want to see him or her again? Then let them know afterward. Don’t play the dumb “three-day rule” to contact them again, otherwise it seems like you’re not interested. Games are stupid so if you had a great time, let them know once you’re both settled in at your homes. Even if the other person didn’t feel it and you did, at least you’ll find out sooner than later and you’re not wasting your time. If they did feel it and you text them, it’ll bring a big smile to their face and take some stress off their shoulders about whether or not you were interested. It’s a win-win.

Of course there are many more rules and alterations and variations, but these seem to be the general, basic rules of the first date, plus some friendly suggestions. I’ve been on enough to know – my worst? The guy talked about the show Seinfeld for the entire date, even after I told him I wasn’t a big fan of the show. He just kept quoting the show for two hours. Needless to say I never called him again or returned his texts.

I hope this helps some of you out there! Happy hunting.