Thursday July 31, 2014


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Crappius Yearus

Green Eyed Event Planner

Everything sounds worse in Latin doesn’t it? And honestly (like you didn’t know).…..that isn’t really Latin, it is what I imagine “crappy year” would sound like in Latin. If anyone would like to give me the Latin programus of Rosetta Stoneum for Christmas, it would be appreciated. In the meantime, I will just continue to add random “us” and “um” to the ends of words.

You want to know the worst part? The ancient Mayans have conspired to conclude that the end is ‘nigh and this is the year “it” all ends. We have heard ad infinitum about the Mayan calendar ending, which according to some folks, signals the end of the world as we know it. I have a different spin on the whole “calendar ending” thing. Has anyone ever stopped to consider the possibility that the poor guy whose job it was wayyyyyyy back then to hammer and chisel the stone calendars, might have simply got up one morning and said, “I am done! My head can’t take another day of hammering and chiseling and seriously….they never, ever let me provide any creative input. I suggest we try a new font, something that is a sans serif, something to change it up a bit, but they say no. So screw it! I have completed up to December 21, 2012, and if they think they will get anyone else to take my job considering how much they pay? Ha! No way…not gonna happen”. And with that, he walked off the job.

So the unfinished December 2012 stone calendar just sat there…..and eventually people forgot about it….the position of hammerer and chiseler was never filled.

This is what I choose to believe. Don’t mock me.

That doesn’t change the fact that 2012 was a Crappius Yearus! Upon reflection I realize that some of the blame for the bad year could be placed squarely upon my own shoulders. I was the master of my own destiny, the painter of my own life portrait.

My Epiphany: I will never be a Derby Girl. Ohhhhhhhh I wanted so badly to prove the nay-sayers (my husband) wrong who said, “Judy….come on…Derby? Are you crazy? You are going to hurt yourself! We joke about your inability to stand on your own two feet….how are you going to manage on roller skates for goodness sake!”.

Damnit! He was right. I suffered a pretty brutal injury. When it first happened, when folks queried about my cast, I would hold up my gauze engulfed appendage and proclaim, “injured at roller derby practice” and people (mostly men…men seem to love Derby) would nod with approval. It seemed as though, as long as my injury was inflicted by doing something a little crazy, or seemingly dangerous, then it was okay. I could have responded with, “injured while diving with sharks” and I would have received the same appreciative nod. I think it’s a guy thing. What I didn’t tell them is that although I was technically at Roller Derby practice, I actually fell while running. So basically, I tripped over my own two feet and my fingers could not withstand the crushing force of my GBW (gross body weight) and two of them broke very, very, veeeeerrrry badly right at the place where the fingers meet the hand. There is a technical word for that place where the fingers were fractured and it probably is Latin, but I am just going to call it the “really, really, bad” place. The saddest part? My roller skates hadn’t even arrived in the mail! Now……they sit in their box, with their bright pink laces and turquoise toe guard silently mocking me…calling out my name, “Juuuuuuuudy”.

I wanted to be a Derby Girl so very badly. In my head I pictured myself skating around the arena, doing cross-overs, sometimes skating backwards, stopping without falling……..

Alas, it was not to be and my Roller Derby career has been cut short before even beginning.

That was simply one happening in a long list of far worse happenings that occurred in 2012 that prompts me to proclaim it as “Crappius Yearus”.

So…..I am going to prematurely turn my back on 2012 and look ahead to 2013 which I am going to proclaim (thinking positively) as “Fabuloso Annum”.

Here is wishing you and yours a Merry Christmas and a Fabuloso Annum!

Judy Kucharuk is owner of Footprint Management Systems Inc. and specializes in Green Meetings and Event Innovation. Currently President of GMIC Canada Chapter in Formation. For more info log onto her blog or follow her on twitter @judylaine



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