"Alpha and Omega," a very primordial cartoon, is a third-rate sitcom within a third-rate sitcom within Shakespeare's 'Romeo and Juliet,' degraded to "Lassie," played to the leavings of |creative| notes, which, as they were penned, ostensibly, were doused with hot liquid (likely coffee);--thus, misting the writing--after which the not-said |creators|--in the process of transcribing the film--perceived the stains (maybe tea?) as secular and wrote them into the script--(how is this doable?)--further fogging 'jokes' and 'narrative' coherence. Or perhaps not--; no, perhaps the filmmakers are concerned, as many are, with a form of duplication: a marriage to clichÉs and trite endings and lazy simplicity, and as due, the humour is lacking in existence, as it ways, quite badly, through unfinished gags and punch-lines with no build up, À la when a wolf howls, painfully out of tune, at the moon, then querying to another of its species as to whether or not it was "good for you"; and by this point, the intention seems clear: the film's a silent laugh-track, which indicates when and how it should be laughed at--or perhaps not. Nevertheless, regardless of hows and whys and whens, a few things can be assured:
1) the title, while also generic and stupid, is some form of irony, and in many ways, an act of hypnotism:--there's no distinction between its beginning and its end, nor does the film lay claim to either; but from the first glance of clay-like visuals to the sick climax, the film is begging--and convincing--the world to end
2) there is no scent of wit
3) there is no 'adventure'
4) if a poor orphan boy, who just wanted some more--(in this case laughs; though, he's certain to die later of food poisoning)--were to attend this dripping sniffle, then the lad would indeed starve to death 5) wolves are to be left as wolves, and the boy-girl romantic interests are never to consist of a mentally unstable blue 'humorist' and a latent homosexual--who in this case, is the female, which is unusual for any film, animated or otherwise.
And while these flaws contain--oh...! I forgot the film's recap. Alright, to reiterate, there are these two wolves, you see, one orange, the other bluish, each from different tribes; and although they have a fondness for the other, they're forbidden to mate--forbidden!--because there would be no movie if this were not the case. Now, indulge me: what do you think happens next? Will the female be forced to sex her dim opposite, rather than her crush? And when blue (Justin Long) and orange (Hayden Panettiere) are captured and resituated, will they run home!--run home!--run home!--or will they make home with a couple of irritating birds? And, more pressingly, will blue and orange find trite movie happiness; or for that matter, will they get what they deserve?--: to be erased.
1 out of 5 popcorns.