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At The Movies with Peter Clease: The A-Team

Teacher, as soon as "The A-Team" began, I was instantaneously bored--then slightly irritated. Unknown names flew at the screen: John "Hannibal" Smith; Templeton "Faceman" Peck; B.A. "Bad Attitude" Baracus; and H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock.

Teacher, as soon as "The A-Team" began, I was instantaneously bored--then slightly irritated. Unknown names flew at the screen: John "Hannibal" Smith; Templeton "Faceman" Peck; B.A. "Bad Attitude" Baracus; and H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock. What, teacher? Um, yes, about that. You see, contrary to what you might believe, I did do my homework; I watched an old, cheesy episode from the serial; however, an unfortunate event occurred: my dog ate my homework.

Is there any specific reasoning as to why you require a plot synopsis, teacher? I mean, there is no plot, at least not in the tradition of worthwhile plots, and then there is--now, ditch the snipe attitude! No, the opening segment, in Mexico, was not awesome; it was confusing, fragmented trite! The characters are introduced--they are known by fans; not known by others--are placed in improbable, idiotic situations; are immediately unlikeable; and are, even more immediately, useless to the entire scope of the film.

With introductions complete, the film jumps forward, as subtitled, "eight years and eighty successful missions later" because, as we know, 9 years and 77 successful missions later would just not be as impressive. Of course, teacher, the plot requires a problem: the team is wrongfully accused of counterfeiting; they are discharged, and then sentenced to ten years, in prison. Poor scripts, however, only require their heroes to temporarily suffer, and true to form, the team breaks out of jail, search for missing plates, and try to figure out who is the film's main antagonist. There, teacher, happy?

Well, how would you grade it? You must be joking. If anything, it deserves a minus sign and an increase in lettering, in contrast to your mark, which by the way, will hopefully foreshadow your immediate "retirement." Oh, but this film is not a bad one, nor a good one; it simply lies around--lazy and unfit--awaiting its conclusion. There is something on the screen, so you look up to see what it is, and with every tank, plummeting to the earth, or car chase, there is a delightful fishing boat scene.

Note: 3.5 out of 5 popcorns

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