AFGHANISTAN: How welcome are our troops in Afghanistan? Judge for yourself. Last week the president of Afghanistan made a threat. He said if western governments don't stop pressuring him, he will join the Taliban. Nice guy. This is the biggest hero-to-villain turnaround since the episode of "Star Trek" where Captain Kirk joined the Romulans.
OTTAWA: A Canadian Press survey shows 36 percent of Canadians have registered their phone for the "Do Not Call List". That's the list you can join if you don't want to receive telemarketing calls. But 12 percent of people on the list say they are receiving more unwanted calls than ever before. Some of those telemarketers are slick. One asked me: "Would you like to join an elite list of people who are willing to respond to fake survey questions that eventually lead to a sales pitch at dinnertime?" (By the way, do you know what it says on a telemarketer's tombstone? "Here Lies a Dead Ringer".)
CHEESE: A study shows cheese contains a chemical which is an aphrodisiac. If that's true -- how come Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse never go further than holding hands....?
MIAMI: President Obama continues his struggle to sell universal healthcare in the U.S. Many Americans are finding ways to show their opposition. A urologist in Miami, Florida, is refusing to help patients who support President Obama. This could get the urologist in trouble with his peers.
AT THE MOVIES: "How To Train Your Dragon" was a hit at Center Cinema. Owning a dragon is nifty. In winter, your dragon can breathe on your frozen sidewalk and melt the ice. In summer, your dragon can light your barbecue. In fall -- no raking the yard -- your dragon burns the leafs BEFORE they fall from the trees.
MORE MOVIES: "Clash of the Titans" is big at the box office. Because clashing is what Titans do best. Titans do NOT do lunch. Titans do NOT help other. Titans get in touch with their feelings. Titans do NOT veg out. Titans do NOT Tweet. Titans do NOT go shopping. What do Titans do? They clash.
TORONTO: A politician in Ontario wants to convert old Navy ships into floating juvenile prisons. That might discourage teen offenders from re-offending. And even if it doesn't -- I kind of like the idea of young punks being seasick.
PEDAL POWER: A prison in Arizona has started a "Pedal Vision" program. If inmates want to watch TV, they have to pedal stationary bikes to make electricity. Maybe Texas could use the same idea on Death Row. Imagine 300 inmates -- all pedaling stationary bikes that are hooked up to the electric chair.
iPAD: On the Internet last week, the new iPad was voted "Most Exciting Gadget of All Time". Even more exciting that the "Toilet Handle Remote Control Jiggler". A handy gadget you can use to stop your toilet from making that annoying noise without having to get up from the couch. (Experts are saying the iPad has done for computers what the George Foreman Grill did for grease trays)
MILITARY MATTERS: According to the CBC, the Canadian Armed Forces will use Facebook and Twitter as recruitment tools. Good idea. I remember when I was young I planned to join the army. But then I found out some general already had the job I wanted.
FAST AND BLIND: A Turkish guy set a world speed record for a BLIND solo driver. He drove a Ferrari at 180 mph. And yes, he's totally blind. Sounds like he's almost good enough for driving on 8th Street South in Dawson Creek.