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Chew the News

PENGUINS: Last week's most alarming news? A new study shows penguins may go extinct. Hey, don't blame me. When I'm at a restaurant -- I never order the penguin platter. (Penguins are strange birds. They can't fly.

PENGUINS: Last week's most alarming news? A new study shows penguins may go extinct. Hey, don't blame me. When I'm at a restaurant -- I never order the penguin platter. (Penguins are strange birds. They can't fly. And a study shows even if a penguin could fly -- it would break its neck while trying to land)

GAGA: Pop singer Lady Gaga caused controversy when she appeared at the MTV Video Music Awards wearing a dress made from meat. It took only one week for the copycats to spring into action. A New York fashion house is already offering a replica of Lady Gaga's meat dress. It's made of fabric that looks like raw steak. Or you can buy a cheap version. Made of fabric that looks like baloney.

SMOKES: Life continues to get tougher for smokers. New York City may ban smoking in all outdoor public areas. For tourists visiting New York it will be nice to know -- the mugger who robs you will not have tobacco breath.

TWITTER JITTERS: On the Internet, what's cool changes very fast. CNN had a report saying many showbiz celebrities are closing down their Twitter accounts. Gee, I haven't even started mine yet. I'm waiting for this Y-2-K thing to settle down.

OPRAH: Oprah Winfrey started the final season of her TV talkshow. Oprah is leaving the show to start her own TV network. Instead of sticking her nose into your business one hour every weekday -- Oprah will be sticking her nose into your business 24 hours a day, seven days a week.Some scientists believe we can achieve a pollution-free world. Some scientists believe we can achieve a nuclear-free world. But there are no scientists who seriously believe mankind can achieve an Oprah-free world.

OLD MEHICO: Last week was a big week for Mexico. They celebrated their 200th birthday. Busiest profession this week in Mexico? Pinata Repairman.

WHY FLY: A new study shows airlines are losing more luggage than ever before. Here's what I don't understand: The airline can fly a plane at night -- in the dark -- 700 miles per hour -- and find Edmonton. But they can't find my baggage??

MEMORY: A study shows men have more memory problems than women as they age. My Grandpa has an excellent memory. He can remember stuff from 20, 30, 40 years ago. Some of which actually happened.

iPHONE: The Apple company continues to introduce new and amazing applications for its popular iPhone. Last week they announced a new "Star Trek" app. It comes with a warning: "Do Not Attempt To Beam Yourself Down To The Planet Surface".

WEATHER: A climate change expert was on CBC TV saying within 20 years the weather will turn, quote, "very weird". For example -- we'll get lots of rain. But it'll be DRY rain.

DAWSON CREEK: Last Monday there was a Town Hall meeting in Dawson Creek to discuss the agreement between the city and Shell Canada to build a water recycling plant. Some people don't like the idea of drinking recycled water. But think about this: You already breathe recycled air. Every breath you take could have been inhaled by everybody else on the planet. Somewhere out there, waiting to be breathed, is a lungful of air that Premier Campbell inhaled just before he promised he would never introduce the HST. Beware -- that one could choke you.chewsthenews@gmail.com

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