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FOREST FIRES: As fires continue to burn across BC, smoke is drifting East into Alberta, causing that province's Chief Medical Officer to issue a health warning. The smoke is so thick, some Alberta drivers are finding it hard to see on the highway.

FOREST FIRES: As fires continue to burn across BC, smoke is drifting East into Alberta, causing that province's Chief Medical Officer to issue a health warning. The smoke is so thick, some Alberta drivers are finding it hard to see on the highway. So, for the first time in their lives, they are actually driving at the legal speed limit.

STOMACH THIS: Surgeons at the University of California have developed a new weight loss procedure. Last week they sucked out 80% of a woman's stomach -- through her mouth. This is not a totally new idea. I'm pretty sure I coughed up 80% of my stomach last year when I had the flu.

ELECTRIC: More than a dozen companies are now planning electric cars. There's a lot of interest. By the way -- electric cars are featured in this month's edition of "Pretend You Care About The Environment" magazine.

ELVIS: At Graceland in Memphis, they held the annual candle light vigil. Elvis has NOW been in Heaven 33 years. OK, how do angels in Heaven tell the difference between the real Elvis and Elvis impersonators? It's not a problem -- all the dead Elvis impersonators go downstairs to the other place.

IDOL: Canadian singer Shania Twain is being mentioned as a possible judge for "American Idol". Shania's older now, but she looks great. Even though she had those jeans surgically removed.

Rock star Steven Tyler of Aerosmith says he's signed a deal to be a judge on "American Idol". People are wondering if he'll be coherent. Gee -- I hope not. That would spoil the show.

FACEBOOK FIASCO: Facebook announced a new map feature, friends will be able to see your location. Coming soon to Facebook: A new audio feature. Your friends will hear the actual sound of your boss yelling at you for wasting time at work on Facebook.

EAT THIS: CBC did an item about the latest stupid diet craze. The hamster food diet. That's right, you eat hamster food. I tried it. Now I know why hamsters are always frowning.

AT THE MOVIES: Last week's big movie release was "The Expendables" starring Sylvester Stallone and a long list of aging action stars. The amazing thing is -- the old geezers in this movie did all of their own stunts. And by the way -- when you see the movie -- that's the authentic sound of Sylvester's dentures clicking. They did NOT dub that in.

MILEY SMILEY: According to the tabloids: Teenage singing star Miley Cyrus is getting breast implants. She already has permission from her parents. If this was an episode of "Hannah Montana" -- her dad would send her to the same surgeon who transplanted his achy breaky heart.

WATER WOES: While Northern BC suffers through a prolonged drought, some places in Canada could get more water than they can handle. An environmental expert predicts within 60 years global warming will cause the world's oceans to rise, totally submerging the city of Vancouver. There are also negatives.

MOOSE There was an interesting item on TV about how the drought in Northern BC is impacting the moose population. By the way -- not many people know this -- the moose was invented as part of a BC Government project to build a cheaper mouse.

DRY DAWSON: The drought has brought severe water restrictions to the Mile Zero City. You are being asked to save water any way you can. Across Dawson Creek, dusty little boys are coming home from playing in the dirt and they are saying "Aw gee Mom, I'd like to take a shower. Really, I would. But City Hall says we shouldn't waste water".

I remember when I was a kid there was a drought. People were told they could save water by placing a brick in the toilet tank. My Uncle Ralph tried to save gas by placing a brick in the tank of his truck.

chewsthenews@gmail.com

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