Skip to content

Chews the News

500: The Indianapolis 500 car race was Sunday. There aresome very fast drivers in Dawson Creek.

500: The Indianapolis 500 car race was Sunday. There aresome very fast drivers in Dawson Creek. There's one lady -- Isee her occasionally on 8th St South -- she could win the Indy500 while texting with one hand and putting on lipstick withher other hand.

SMOKES: Monday was World No Tobacco Day, a day forsmokers to kick the evil habit. By the way, please remember:This column is a smoke-free area. If you wish to smoke whilereading this column -- you must be at least 50 feet away fromyour newspaper.

FROG FACTS: In Greece, millions of migrating frogs blockeda major highway. Crews took several days to clear frogs off theroad. Under Greek law they had to kiss every frog to see if itturned into a prince.

TORONTO: A new Canadian study shows acupuncture canbe used to treat teenagers with attention deficit disorder.Researchers say in many cases they don't even have to startthe treatments. All they do is say "If you don't start payingattention, I'm going to stick you with this needle".

SPILL FILL: The big oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico continuedall of last week. British Petroleum was trying to stop the oilleak by pumping in a mix of mud and concrete. The mixture isa recipe based on British cooking.

QUEN CASH: In London, at the height of the worst economiccrisis Britain has seen in many years, Queen Elizabethhas asked for a big pay increase. Maybe instead of moremoney, they could offer Her Majesty a promotion.

BOND, JAMES BOND: Up for sale in England: The AstonMartin sports car driven by Sean Connery in the James Bondmovies. It has machine guns and an ejector seat. Which couldbe very useful if a runaway Toyota gets too close.

HOPPER: Sad news from Hollywood. Actor Dennis Hopperdied at 74. When I was a teenager I was a huge fan of hismovie "Easy Rider". Back then I couldn't afford a motorcycle.But I wanted to be just like the Easy Riders -- so I stuck bugs allover my face.

AT THE MOVIES: In theaters later this month: "TwilightSaga: Eclipse". Featuring the usual vampires and werewolves.Here's my question: If a vampire and a werewolf get marriedand they have a baby, is their baby a vampwolf -- or awerepire....??

LIES: According to a study published last week: The averageman tells 1,092 lies a year. When he heard about the study,(INSERT THE NAME OF A CANADIAN POLITICIAN HERE) said --"Amateurs!"W: Former president George W Bush has a book comingout. His publisher says it will contain a lot of new informationabout the Bush Administration. One sure thing about Bush'sbook -- he doesn't have to worry about ruining his reputation.

DAWSON CREEK: A unique environmental partnershipmade headlines. Congratulations to EnCana, Ducks Unlimitedand the Piper Family, who have come together to restore andpreserve a wet land located north on 17th Street. The wildlifehabitat will be named Piper Pond. That is very nifty, having apond named after your family. I can't beat that. Although inmy hometown they named the dumpster behind Safewayafter my Uncle Ralph.

chewsthenews@gmail.com