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Chews the News

BLIND BULLETIN: Last week a group of engineers in the U.S.State of Virginia announced they have developed a car thatcan be driven by a blind person. A car driven by a blind personis not a totally new idea.

BLIND BULLETIN: Last week a group of engineers in the U.S.State of Virginia announced they have developed a car thatcan be driven by a blind person. A car driven by a blind personis not a totally new idea. As anyone who has ever driven onDawson Creek's 8 Street South can tell you.

LOAD OF BULL: In Madrid, Spain, the bullfighting seasonbegan with protests. One protest group wants to totally banbullfighting. Another protest group wants bullfights where thebulls don't get killed. And another protest group wants rightsfor gay bulls.

VAMPIRES: The new "Twilight" movie continued pulling inhuge audiences. Last week in an Internet survey: 35 per centof Canadian adults said they believe vampires are real. Otherresults from the survey:

19 per cent of Canadians said werewolfs are real.

14 per cent of Canadians said Smurfs are real.

73 per cent of Canadians said Brian Harper's hair is NOTreal.

SHUSH! Toyota announced it will add artificial noise to itshybrid cars. Apparently there's a big problem with pedestriansgetting hit by silent hybrids they didn't hear approaching. Gollygee, they are taking the fun out of everything!

SPY SWAP: A couple of weeks ago, the FBI nabbed a groupof Russian spies who were operating in the States. There'snow a report the U.S. will trade them for American agentsbeing held in Moscow. OK folks, here's the way it works: Mostcountries have spies in most other countries. It's a form ofinternational courtesy. Governments are offended if they findout a foreign country is not spying on them. They send spiesto find out why the other country did not send spies.

TORONTO: Last week the Queen arrived in Toronto, andjust as she prepared to make a public appearance -- there wasa huge blackout. There was no power in the Queen's luxuryhotel suite. My inside sources tell me instead of using an electriccrown polisher, Her Majesty was forced to use a handcrankedcrown polisher.

NEW YORK: After smiling and waving at Torontonians,Queen Elizabeth traveled to New York, where she addressedthe United Nations. Surveys show many Americans don't likethe U.N. They think the United Nations could be improved bykicking out all those foreigners.

HOT: On CBC, a doctor said in hot weather your NumberOne priority should be keeping yourself hydrated. That word"hydrated" is ridiculous. That's like saying when you're tired --be sure to keep yourself "slumbered". When you're constipated-- be sure to keep yourself "laxativated".

ELECTION: Last Thursday I saw a headline: Tories ThreatenFall Election. To "threaten" an election is an interesting concept.Do Canadians fear elections so much we can be "threatened"with one? It's not elections Canadians fear. It's the stuffthey have to listen to during election campaigns. Rememberwhen many people thought politicians were cheap crooks?Well, they're not cheap anymore.

BIG BANG: In Switzerland, they are smashing subatomicparticles together. They're trying to recreate the "Big Bang"that started the Universe. A group of scientists says this is avery, very, VERY bad idea. A second group of scientists says thefirst group of scientists has it all wrong, smashing subatomicparticles is safe. So -- if you hear a big bang -- and theUniverse suddenly ends -- just continue about your business.

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