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Chews the News

YOUR MONEY: The BC government revealed last Wednesday's TV address by Premier Gordon Campbell cost taxpayers $240,000. That works out at one thousand bucks for every time Campbell blinked his beady little eyes.

YOUR MONEY: The BC government revealed last Wednesday's TV address by Premier Gordon Campbell cost taxpayers $240,000. That works out at one thousand bucks for every time Campbell blinked his beady little eyes.

HALLOWEEN: Sunday was Halloween, the scariest day of the year. Actually, Halloween is not the scariest thing I can think of. The scariest thing I can think of is the next BC election. Where the public will happily elect a government that consists of politicians who thought the HST was a wonderful idea -- until they realized that kind of thinking would not get them re-elected.

TRICK OR TREAT: A sign of the times we live in. On Halloween night a kid came to my door and said: "Before you give me a treat -- here's a list of my known food allergies".

BEE BULLETIN: A new study shows honeybees can solve complex math problems. I always knew honeybees are smart. Hey, they convinced humans to buy jars of bee barf.

YOU MAY NOW KISS YOURSELF: In Taiwan, a woman says she's tired of waiting for the right man, so she's marrying herself. She will then go on a honeymoon -- alone. I predict ten years from now she'll be arguing with herself over what to watch on TV. And she'll be disagreeing with herself over how high to set the thermostat.

PUMPKIN: In Wisconsin, A man grew a pumpkin that's 1,810 pounds, a new record for "World's Heaviest Pumpkin". He says his secret is fish emulsion, seaweed, and cow manure. He also holds the record for "World's Smelliest Pumpkin".

ELECTRIC CARS: A report says owners of those new-fangled electric cars suffer from something called "range anxiety". They are constantly scared they will run out of power and get stranded. When that happens, I guess you sit beside the road -- and hope somebody will come by with a can of electricity.

AFGHANISTAN: Last week's most disconcerting story came from Afghanistan. A place where Canadian soldiers are risking their lives, supposedly for Democracy. Last week the President of Afghanistan admitted he regularly receives huge bags of cash from one of this planet's biggest enemies of democracy -- Iran. This situation is getting murkier and murkier. In fact -- they may have to bring in extra "murk".

DOPE: California is on the verge of legalizing marijuana. A ballot question in this week's mid-term election could make it legal. Gee, if they legalize pot -- I hope it doesn't effect the alert, sharp-as-a-tack, clear-headed, quick thinking that Californians are famous for.

FOREVER: NASA scientists are proposing a "one-way" mission to Mars. Under a controversial new plan, humans will be flown to Mars and left there -- forever. The first volunteers already stepped forward -- a bunch of British Columbians who've had enough of the HST.

WALKMAN: Sony announced it has stopped production of the Walkman cassette tape player. I think they are making a huge mistake. I predict every kid will want a Walkman when this iPod fad ends. But if you'd like a Walkman, don't worry. You'll still be able to buy a used one at every garage sale for at least the next 200 years. There's a law in Dawson Creek that every garage sale must include one beat up Walkman -- and a couple of dusty old Polaroid cameras.chewsthenews@gmail.com