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Chews the News

SOUTH AFRICA: The World Cup continued last week.Thanks to CBC coverage I've learned more about soccer.When the referee shows a yellow card he's saying tothe player "This is a warning".

SOUTH AFRICA: The World Cup continued last week.Thanks to CBC coverage I've learned more about soccer.When the referee shows a yellow card he's saying tothe player "This is a warning". When he shows a red cardhe's saying "I'm throwing you out of the game". When heshows a pink card he's saying "Please adjust your shorts.We can see things we don't want to see".I think we can all agree, the World Cup has taughteverybody important things about sports. Things like --blind soccer referees have much in common with blindbaseball umpires.

CANADA: Thursday was Canada Day. To Americans,Canada is a familiar, yet somehow strange place. Canada iscleaner, safer, healthier. Those are the three main reasonswhy Americans don't trust Canadians.

iPHONE: Last week Apple made a strange announcement.They said if you're having problems with your newiPhone, it's your own fault. You're holding it wrong. Theysay iPhone reception is OK if you hold the phone in yourright hand - stand in the shower - touch the shower headwith your left hand - stand with your left foot wrapped intinfoil - your right foot in a dish of water - and the dipstickfrom your car between your teeth.

WIMBLEDON: Tennis action continued at Wimbledon.One marathon match lasted more than eleven hours! Hey,I've played golf longer than that. A round of golf lasts avery long time if you only own one ball -- and you have tosearch for it after every shot.

BOOZE NEWZ: Last week a distillery in Alaska unveiled anew product: Salmon-flavored vodka. Coming soon: Tunaflavoredgin. Dolphin-flavored whisky. Walrus-flavoredtequila.

BRUTAL : In Toronto, police subdued protests at the G-20summit. Many witnesses say the police overreacted. At onepoint -- this was definitely police brutality -- the protesterswere blasted with a loud recording of Celine Dion.

BP: A poll conducted after the Gulf of Mexico oil spillshows 6 percent of Americans still have a favorable view ofBritish Petroleum. Those are the same 6 percent ofAmericans who think pelicans and other pesky seabirdsshould stay away from the ocean.

2012: BP announced it will not withdraw as a majorsponsor of the 2012 Olympics in London. They promise toonly drill in the swimming pool during the night -- and tohave all the spillage burned off by the time the swimmersarrive next morning.

PICASO: At an art auction, a Picasso painting set a newrecord for price. It sold for $52 million. The painting is fromPicasso's "blue period". That was when he painted portraitsof Smurfs.

SCIENCE: Last week's big science news came fromSwitzerland. Scientists finally succeeded in smashing subatomicparticles. No particular reason. They just had a surplusof subatomic particles.

CEREAL: Kellogg's recalled 28 million boxes of cerealfrom stores in the U.S. and Canada. Kellogg's ordered therecall when they realized they accidentally put in somenutrition.

SPIES: In the States, ten Russian "deep cover" spies werearrested by the FBI. To avoid suspicion, year after year, theybehaved just like ordinary Americans. The spies say thetough part was watching all those crappy TV shows.

DAWSON CREEK: There were long line-ups outsideCentre Cinema for the local opening of the latest "Twilight"movie. And if you're not sure how to tell the differencebetween a werewolf and a vampire: A werewolf has thirtymillion teenage girl fans -- a vampire has FIFTY million teenagegirl fans.

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