Am I excited? Uh…

Something New

As my wedding date looms (it's less than two months away now, yikes!), the main question I've been getting from people isn't, "Are you all ready?" like I figured it would be. Instead it's, "Are you getting excited yet??"

And while I am fully prepared to answer the question I was hoping to be getting by now, I can't really answer the second one, not honestly anyway.

Sure I can slap on a smile and say, "Yeah, I can't wait!" But it's hard for me to honestly say whether or not I'm excited because I haven't had the chance to be, or the chance to even think about whether I am or not I'm getting excited. I have no idea if I am.

That's the thing about getting married. Most of us are so busy planning our own weddings and getting everything done that we forget to get enthusiastic about the Big Day or even look forward to it.

When I ask my fellow engaged friends this question more sarcastically, most of us agree that we can't wait for it to be over with. That's what we're looking forward to, sadly - it being over and done with so we can relax for the first time in months.

Maybe that sounds a bit cold, but the amount of work I've put into this wedding and the stress I've gone through needs to just go away for a moment in order for me to feel some joy about marrying David, which is actually sad the more I think about it.

In fact, it's downright frustrating.

Since I was a little girl, I've always dreamed about having a big, beautiful wedding day with the man I love. What I didn't dream about as a little girl is this part of things - the stress and the busyness, even envying your own fiancÉ because he can daydream about the wedding while you're going crazy and are ready to throw your latest DYI project off the balcony in another frazzled fit.

I need to allow myself a minute or two to step away from wedding planning and in able to think, "Oh yeah! I can't wait to marry David! This is going to be great!" And isn't that supposed to be the thing about getting married? Feeling joy and being in love?

It looks like wedding planning likes to kill those emotions and replace them with hair-pulling anxiety, random outbursts of crying and excessive wine drinking.

Right now, I just want to wake up and not have to worry about the wedding anymore, and that day's not going to come until the day after the wedding. I know, I know, I did this to myself by trying to have a cheaper wedding (which means more work and doing more things on my own than a bride who's willing to spend more).

Is it all going to be worth it? Yes, ultimately, but in the meantime, I just have to keep my head down and keep going, and push through this.

So ask me again, "Katie, are you excited to get married?"

The answer is, yes I will be.

Just give me a moment - oh, and another glass of wine.

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