Bob Snyder: A question for people who believe the world is flat

bob

NEW YEAR YARN: In an internet survey: 60% of Canadians said they feel optimistic about 2019, 30% feel pessimistic about 2019. I can't remember how the remaining 10% feel. Maybe they feel we should skip 2019 and go straight to 2020. By the way, I already broke 300 of the 500 New Year's resolutions I made — including the one about not exaggerating.

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SNOW STORY: St John's, Newfoundland, had a record dump of snow. Much, much deeper than recent snowfall in the Peace Country. A friend of mine likes to play in the snow with his dog. Well, it's not exactly playing. He builds a snowman with twigs for arms. Then his dog stares for hours at the snowman, waiting for it to throw one of the twigs.

CANUCK CAT: A Canadian cat named Baloo made news. Baloo is back with her owner in Nova Scotia. She was accidentally mailed across Canada after hiding inside a package. This was either an unfortunate mistake, or a convenient way to get rid of surplus cats.

FLAT FACT: According to an item on CBC, membership in flat earth groups increased in 2018. OK, I have a question for all you flat earth believers: How do you explain the Taylor Hill?

DEAD DAREDEVIL: Canadian actor Bob Einstein passed away at 76. On TV, he was better known as klutzy daredevil Super Dave Osborne. Right now accident prone Super Dave is in Heaven, jumping his motorbike over a line of angels, and squishing a few halos.

BARREL BULLETIN: A French daredevil announced he plans to cross the Atlantic Ocean inside a barrel. What happened was he went to Niagara Falls with his barrel, there was a long lineup of guys with barrels.

FISH TALE: In Japan, a live goldfish sold for a record breaking $1.8 million. That's a lot of money to pay for a goldfish, but it came with a free glass bowl and a cute little underwater castle. I would never pay big money for a goldfish. Plus, awhile back I discovered it's cheaper to buy a new goldfish than it is to buy food for your current goldfish.

MOVIE MEMO: Peace Country movie fans saw Ralph Breaks The Internet. Of course, the internet cannot be broken — although there's a lot of stuff on the internet that is twisted and bent.

OSCARS: There's a report next year's Oscars show will have no host and no speeches. Why don't they just have all the movie stars sit in the audience, throw the Oscars at them, and let them fight over the statues. I'd watch that.

FOOD FACT: A scientist says the food of the future will be plankton. To survive, you will have to swim around in the ocean all day with your mouth wide open.

SINATRA STUFF: In California, Frank Sinatra's 1985 station wagon is for sale. Learning Frank Sinatra owned a station wagon is like learning Luciano Pavarotti owned a skateboard.

DWTS DOA: There's a report the TV dance contest Dancing With The Stars will end this year. That's kind of sad. I learned all my dance moves from Dancing With The Stars. Before I watched that show, my fandango had no dang.

COAST BOAST: A study shows people who live near the ocean are less likely to be depressed. However, global warming and rising sea levels will change that. Folks in Saskatchewan are going to be depressed, looking out of their windows at the ocean.

ROYAL REPORT: London newspapers report Prince Harry has quit drinking alcohol. This means five people have lost their jobs: The butler who opens the bottle, the butler who brings the glass, the butler who pours the drink, the butler who brings the drink to the prince, and the butler who wipes the prince's royal lips after each sip.

ID LOL: In a survey, 70% said they are worried about identity theft. Identity theft is more common than most people realize. It can happen to anyone. In fact, I'm not even sure this is the real me writing this column.

© Copyright Alaska Highway News

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