Bob Snyder: Godzilla stomps on the Peace Country


LLAMA ON THE LAM: We start news chewing in Strathcona, Alberta. Police tried all week to locate the owners of a loose llama that was seen running around. Online video shows officers pursuing the critter along country roads, trying unsuccessfully and rather humorously to capture it. You may be wondering why the word “llama” is spelled with two Ls. The answer is very simple. Spelling llama with three Ls would be ridiculous. 

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HECK’S ANGELS: Last week, a court in the Netherlands outlawed the Hell’s Angels motorcycle gang. There aren’t many Dutch Hell’s Angels. That’s because it’s tough kickstarting a Harley when you’re wearing wooden shoes.

YOGA YIKES: Our next stop is Iran. Police arrested 30 people at a yoga class and charged them with wearing inappropriate clothing. I’m guessing Lululemon does not have many stores in Iran. And by the way, Lululemon now sells yoga pants for men. They’re ideal for guys who think Speedos are too baggy.

GODZILLA GASP: Back home in the Peace Country, movie fans enjoyed Godzilla: King of the Monsters. In this film, Godzilla revisits his old stomping grounds. Literally. I read someplace this movie had a budget of $200 million; $15 million of that was to pay the crew who picked up the Godzilla poop. In the movie, Godzilla releases thermo-nuclear blasts. Well, that’s just ridiculous. Nuclear blasts, perhaps. But THERMO nuclear blasts? That’s totally unbelievable! This is the 15th Godzilla movie. Golly gee whiz, you’d think by now experts would have figured out what is causing Godzilla’s destructive behaviour and done something to help him. Counselling, maybe?

HORROR HA HA: While we’re on the topic of movies, there’s a report the Netflix horror film The Perfection is making people throw up. That’s the big advantage of Netflix. Instead of throwing up in a movie theater, you can throw up in the comfort of your own home.

WHAT, ME WORRY?: In a new internet survey: The average Canadian spends two hours of every day worrying. I calculate I worry for only one hour per day. Should I worry that I’m not worrying enough?

SMOKE CHOKE: Meanwhile, back home in the Peace Country, smoke from forest fires swirled around, making everything look kind of creepy. Here in the Peace we are used to strange. We can handle weird. We’ve all seen peculiar. But we’re not experienced with creepy. 

LEECH LAFF: Last week at Toronto’s Pearson International airport, a passenger arriving from Russia was arrested. Authorities say he was trying to smuggle a bag full of live leeches into Canada. The disgusting contents of his bag were confiscated. Thank goodness. Ottawa already has all the leeches Canada can handle.

TREADMILL TREMENDOUS: In Calgary, a marathon runner set a new world record for running on a treadmill. 150 kilometres in 12 hours. If we had to run on treadmills to charge our phones, we would all be a lot healthier.

GOSSIP GAG: Chew on this interesting item from the Philippines, where gossip is now illegal. Many towns and cities there have new laws that make gossiping illegal. You can be fined if you gossip. I heard a rumour city hall here in Fort St. John is going to do the same. Pass it along. Or maybe don’t.

BARBIE BULLETIN: In the works, a live-action movie about Barbie. Some people say the Barbie doll is an inspiration, but I’m not so sure. She first appeared in 1959, 60 years ago. That’s 720 months. According to a news release from Mattel, Barbie has had 180 occupations. Do the math. She lasted approximately four months in each job. And Barbie is supposed to be an inspiration for our young women? No way!

PHONE PHUN: A news item described how old-style rotary phones are becoming trendy again. I have one. I used it yesterday to order some 8-track tapes.

COFFEE CHAOS: In a new study, too much coffee can increase the risk of heart disease. Scientists decided to do the study when they realized there hasn’t been a new coffee study for several weeks.

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