FREEZING FEBRUARY: Thank goodness February is over! February here in the Peace Country was so cold I didn't think I would survive with all my toes. Wait a minute, maybe I didn't. Let me count: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. OK, all there.
FISH TALE: You think we have weird weather? Did you see the news item from the island of Malta, in the Mediterranean Sea? A powerful storm scooped fish from the ocean and dropped them in the streets. It was raining fish. This week's forecast for Malta calls for cloudy skies with occasional showers of tartar sauce.
L.A. LOL: Last week, they had snow in Los Angeles, California. A winter day with snow in Los Angeles is almost as rare as a three-day long summer weekend with sunshine in Fort St. John.
ICEBERG NICEBERG: An iceberg the size of Prince Edward Island may break off from Antarctica. If the iceberg was home to a bunch of cute penguins who cruise around the world having a great time and having adventures until they realize their iceberg is melting, this could be a Disney movie.
SIZE MATTERS: A study released last week shows most candy bars are smaller than they were 10 years ago. I predict the time will come when M&Ms are just Ms.
IDLE IDOL: Producers of the TV singing contest American Idol say they will make the show "more compassionate." I think they're moving in the wrong direction. They should bring back Simon Cowell. And this time, give him a slingshot.
HAWAII HAPPY: A survey shows the U.S. state with the happiest residents is Hawaii. In Hawaii, the only reason to be unhappy is when your grass skirt gives you a wedgie.
TRUDEAU TROUBLE: The big scandal in Ottawa continues to unfold. Some commentators say our Prime Minister has been less than honest. It's going to be a sad day for the old carpenter who carved Justin Trudeau when he has to tell little Justin he's not a real boy.
COOKIE CRIME: A dastardly crime in Fargo, North Dakota: A man was charged with stealing a cargo of Oreo cookies valued at $90,000. Friends, when I am elected, I will make stealing Oreos a hanging offense.
HITCH HA HA: It was reported some European countries may ban hitchhiking. But if you visit Europe, don't worry, there are plenty of other things you can do with your thumb.
SPAIN GAIN: Speaking of Europe, a new survey shows Spain is the healthiest country in the world. The average Spaniard can expect to live a long, healthy life. Unless he's dressed as a matador and a large bull is running towards him.
LOOK UP: A Russian company plans to put ads in space by shining a powerful beam of light into the sky. Batman could use this idea to make money with messages from sponsors: "Tonight's Bat Signal is brought to you by Tide laundry detergent."
BAT BULLETIN: A medical study shows bat flu could spread to humans. The first symptom of bat flu is when you have an uncontrollable urge to hang upside-down from the ceiling.
WHO YA GONNA CALL? It was announced the next Ghostbusters movie will be filmed in Calgary. Instead of a Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, how about a Tim Hortons Donut Man?
BEE BULLETIN: Crime experts say beehive theft is a growing problem in Canada. Thieves can make as much as $5,000 for a bee hive. More than that if they sell each bee separately. If someone offers you a hot hive, tell them to buzz off.
CAT CASH: Famous fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld died recently. Last week, it was revealed he left $300 million to his cat. Gee, I've heard of putting money in a kitty, but this is ridiculous.
HAPPINESS IS A WARM DRAGON: Peace Country movie fans enjoyed How To Train Your Dragon 3. Here are three rules you should always remember: 1) Never make a dragon mad. You are chewy. And you taste good toasted and dipped in ketchup; 2) Never look a gift dragon in the mouth; and 3) Never challenge a dragon to a burping contest.