BRRRRRRR! Last week's big news story was the nasty cold weather that held millions of people in its icy grip. While the Peace Country escaped the worst of it until the end of the week, the Prairie provinces and the U.S. Midwest experienced ridiculously low temperatures. I spoke by phone to a friend who lives in Chicago, where the windchill was -60 C. He said his goosebumps were showing up on airport radar. Parts of North America were colder than Antarctica. OK, but remember: It's summer in Antarctica. The penguins are wearing lightweight tuxedos.
GROUNDHOG GAG: And speaking of weather, Groundhog Day was Saturday. Here's an interesting fact: Some countries don't have a Groundhog. They are forced to predict the weather using satellites and computers. Gee, how pathetic is that?!
FOOTBALL FUN: The Super Bowl was Sunday. The Super Bowl is a game of skill and energy. It's a game of courage and commitment. It's a game of stamina and confidence. It's a game of power and passion. But most of all, it's a game of commercials and more commercials.
PARLIAMENT PLUMBING: In Ottawa, there was a burst pipe in Parliament causing extensive flooding inside the building. Politicians evacuated the building as plumbers rushed in. Here are three similarities between a plumber and a politician: 1) They both know a leak can cause big problems; 2) They are both sometimes all wet; 3) They both know what it's like to be knee deep in doo-doo.
KOREA KRAZY: And speaking of doo-doo, last week North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un issued a proclamation instructing every citizen to contribute 220 pounds of manure per day. That's correct, 220 pounds. If you don't believe me, Google it. The leader's statement said the manure may be "personal" or it may be collected from other sources. News reports said in North Korea there's a shortage of manure. So, if you're wondering what to send to Kim Jong-un for his birthday, bear that in mind.
CALL ASHTON: Movie star Ashton Kutcher wants you to send him a text. For several day last week, he shared his phone number on Twitter. Ashton says he wants to be in touch with real people, not Hollywood phoneys. The phone number is in Iowa, Ashton's home state. In Iowa they had wind chills of -40 C. So, if Ashton didn't answer your text, it may be because his texting thumbs were frozen.
POPE SCOPE: At the Vatican, Pope Francis unveiled his new "Click To Pray" phone app. I guess the next step will be a "Click To Confess" phone app. With sin forwarding.
FACETIME FIASCO: Apple scrambled to fix a bug that turns your iPhone into an eavesdropping device. The bug was on Facetime, the app you use to make video calls. If I was a ventriloquist, I would Facetime people and talk without moving my lips. They would think their screen is frozen. Hilarious.
I CAN'T SEE HIM: Johnny Depp was supposed star in a new version of The Invisible Man. Last week, it was announced he will not appear in the movie. Wait a minute. When they say he won't appear in the movie, maybe that means Johnny aims to do an amazing job of playing the Invisible Man.
DEPRESSED DOGGY: On CBC, an expert said many dogs are depressed and moody. When you leave the house to go to work, your dog thinks you go to the park and spend all day throwing a Frisbee for another dog.
SULLY SPECIAL: Remember Capt. "Sully" Sullenberger? He's the hero pilot who did something everybody thought was impossible. Last week, Sully celebrated the 10th anniversary of safely landing a disabled passenger plane on the Hudson River in New York with no loss of life. If he tried that today, he would be sued by lawyers representing passengers who got wet feet.
WADDLE WALK: Have you slipped on an icy Fort St. John sidewalk? On TV, an expert said the way to avoid falling on ice is to waddle like a penguin. If someone asks you why you're waddling like a goofy penguin, tell them your long johns are chafing.