Kucharuk: My epiphany

The Desk of the Green-Eyed Girl

Monday I reached out to my Facebook friends with a comment that I was struggling with writers block. An arrogant statement I agree because honestly, how dare I call myself a writer. Does a weekly column and a blog make me a writer? Okay, I also have written for a magazine, but it was a trade publication so not sure if that counts. If a writer writes, but no one reads it, are they still a writer? I digress (as per usual). The whole “who am I?” conversation is best continued with my therapist.

So, looking for a little distraction and perhaps some divine inspiration, I reach out on Facebook and type the two words “writers block” over and over and over again, almost filling the entire status area. Describing it to you now, it was reminiscent of a scene you might see in a horror story where the detective reads the crazy person’s diary or maybe something from a Stephen King novel (continuous comparisons to real writers makes me feel better): “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”.

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Tipping my toe in crazy town. Yup.

So I turned off my computer and walked away.

Got a coffee.

Watched some television.

Decided to try again.

I opened my laptop and heard this loud buzzer noise (For those without a Mac computer, it sounds like the buzzer from Family Feud, the one where the big X appears to indicate a wrong answer). The buzzing sound is reminding me of something! Sure enough, the little square in the corner with the clock was there and it said, “REMINDER TOMORROW: EPIPHANY”

Oh. My. Goodness.

Is this the law of attraction at work? Is this the divine inspiration that I was reaching for?  I had cleaned my home office over the weekend and I remember throwing out that old DVD, “The Secret.” Should I go through the garbage and find it again?

My second instinct was cynicism. Was this some terrifying computer virus attacking my hard drive? Did I catch something from downloading something that I found on Pinterest (Devil’s playground)?

I posted the experience on social media and a friend responded that he also had received the reminder of an impending epiphany on his laptop that morning and wondered what was happening.

Hmmm, curiouser and curiouser.

The online dictionary describes an epiphany as being "a sudden, powerful, and often spiritual or life-changing realization that a character experiences in an otherwise ordinary moment."

Holy cow!

Now I was intrigued.

Why did I have to wait until the next day?

I was so excited!

Finally I was going to have something really BIG to write about. I admit that I had side-eyed longingly at other writers who had really complex dysfunction in their bag of tricks to pull from.

I wanted to call my mom and say, “Remember how I was a little disappointed that my childhood was normal and that I was a little sad that there was no one with (air quote) “problems” from which I could draw inspiration? Well, no worries, because TOMORROW I am scheduled to have an epiphany!”

All day I wondered.

What would it be like? I could not remember the last time I had an epiphany. I mean, a revelation yes, but epiphany?

No. No epiphanies.

That night I went to bed relatively early.

I was excited, it was like Christmas Eve and I already knew that I was getting something special!

Rising at 7 a.m. I tried to pace myself. It isn’t every day that a girl wakes up knowing that she is going to experience an epiphany.

I turned the furnace up a bit and made a pot of coffee while stumbling around with a goofy smile on my sheet-creased face.

It was my ‘remember this moment forever because your life is going to change after you experience the epiphany’ face.

I poured my coffee and added the milk, not bothering to stir them together and headed for my big, cozy, living room chair.

I pulled up the ottoman where I could rest by freakishly short legs that would otherwise dangle without purpose.

Pausing, taking it all in: the Christmas tree still up and decorated in the corner of the room, the popcorn bowls from last night resting on the coffee table, the stain on the carpet where one of the dogs had made a “boo-boo.”

In a few seconds none of it will matter.

I will have experienced my epiphany.

Deep breath, Judy. Deep breath.

I opened my computer and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

What is going on? Was this some type of cruel joke?

So I Googled Epiphany and it popped right up.

Apparently there are multiple definitions of epiphany.

Today was January 6th.

I wasn’t going to HAVE an epiphany, today WAS the Epiphany. A Christian observance, the Epiphany IS a pretty big deal.

Well played Macbook, well played. No hard feelings.

Side Note: Perhaps I should look into attending Sunday School?

Hey! Is THAT my epiphany?


Judy Kucharuk is a lover of sarcasm, witty people and footnotes. You can follow her blog at www.judykucharuk.comand find out why she celebrates Naked Tuesday’s. She is also known as Anxiety Girl and Jump to Conclusion girl and even owns her own red satin cape! Follow her on twitter @judylaine

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