After merely a month after getting married, my new husband and I are already getting bombarded with the question, “When are you going to start having children?”
I guess it’s a valid question, especially since it often comes with people with their own young families, but I can’t help but wonder why, as a newlywed couple, people are expecting us to drop everything and start a family already.
Can’t we have a little time to ourselves first?
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with newlyweds having children right away IF that’s what they want, but why does it feel like if newlyweds choose to put off having children instead, there’s something wrong with that decision?
Why do we feel judged?
I get it, I’m no spring chicken, but just because I’m 30 that doesn’t mean my biological clock is going haywire either; it’s not, and frankly when I think about it, I’m not ready to have children at this exact moment and that’s my right.
What’s frustrating the most is when people follow up the question “Congratulations on your wedding! When are you going to start having kids?” with, “Oh, you’re going to wait? How old are you again?” What does it matter how old I am? It’s not like it’s the 1850s and my life expectation is 50, or I’m going to die of consumption or some other nineteenth-century disease by 32.
Yes I got married at 30, yes I chose to get my education and start my career first and, yes, I’m still going to put off having children for a little bit.
I’m in no rush, but why is everyone else in a rush for me?
When it comes to having or raising kids, it seems like everyone has an opinion, whether it’s about what not to eat while pregnant or how to discipline your children or the right way to put your kids to bed.
The thing is, when you think about it, the subject of children should be nobody’s business except the parents involved (and maybe some medical professionals), and that should also be applied to when a couple decides the time is right to start a family.
Another thing is, what if that couple is having difficulties getting pregnant? What if they’ve suffered a miscarriage or are heartbroken over the fact conception isn’t happening? Don’t you think asking a childless younger couple “When are you going to try having kids?” might be a tad bit cruel when they HAVE been trying and can’t? Frankly it’s none of your business.
So perhaps the question about having babies shouldn’t be asked at all.