Wine almost as indispensable as mom

Something New

My mother has probably been the biggest reason why my wedding planning has gone as well as it has so far.

For me being 1,500 km away from where I'm getting married, her being there in that location on the Island and doing all the things I can't means a lot to me and her hard work has gone a long way now, less than six weeks until my wedding.

She's done so much, like picked up and spray painted my centerpieces, sewn my table runners, collected all sorts of knickknacks for the reception, grabbed my liquor license and a million other things that I either don't have time for or are too far away to do.

But then the other night, when I was updating her on my wedding weight-loss, she says, "You know, you'd lose more weight if you'd completely cut out drinking."

I laughed. I had to!

The amount of bad luck I've had on this venture is enough to drive any bride to tears all day every day.

I won't even start to list it off (there are just way too many things that have gone wrong), but let's just say as a small example, that three of the four parts of my wedding ensemble were either lost in the mail or ordered in the wrong size due to other people's incompetence, all which cost me more money and a lot more stress.

So, back to what my mom said.

The thing is, I'd rather lose weight more slowly and have the stress relief that is a glass of wine, than cut out alcohol altogether and lose a bit more weight and possibly kill a bunch of people. Why? Because wine keeps me sane.

I get it. Some of you non-drinkers out there won't like what I have to say about this, but alcohol really does have its benefits, and brides-to-be that I know who are planning their weddings right now (five of them are close friends) are all turning to the bottle to get through their stress and their mean family members and all the things going wrong with their planning. It's a quick fix, but one that keeps us from strangling our fiancÉs.

When I told my fiancÉ what my mom said about cutting out wine to lose more weight, he said, "No way! I'll be dead within a couple days if you stop drinking right now."

So basically, if you want our fiancÉs to make it down the aisle, you better make sure we brides-to-be have a steady supply of alcohol in the house for those times when our wedding veil or shoes gets lost by Canada Post (happened to me twice), or when our future mother-in-law calls us fat (happened to a friend).

Alcohol is an engaged girl's best friend, but I understand why maybe my mom, who's in her 50s, didn't see that.

Back in the 60s and 70s, weddings weren't these huge, grandeur celebrations that cost an arm-and-a-leg and end up on Pinterest, Facebook and Instagram or Four Weddings. They were $1,000 (max) parties with homemade cake, a few friends and family members and a weird/terrible dress.

So I'm sorry, but no, Mom, I'm not giving up my wine. I'll keep my big thighs instead. You don't really get what I'm going through, and that's fine, but don't suggest that I give up booze right now - not now, now a month before the wedding when I feel like a volcano about to erupt.

Because some days a glass (or three) of wine is what I need to subdue that eruption, and if I don't have that remedy, you might not have a son-in-law for me to marry in July.

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