I can see the light at the end of the tunnel - wedding planning will soon be over.
That's not to say that I'm not looking forward to getting married and my actual wedding day, but after eight months of planning this wedding (and with so many stupid things going wrong), I can't help but looking forward to all of that being over and done with.
Over the weekend I flew down to Vancouver for the wedding of a good friend from college. It a was beautiful day and an even more beautiful wedding, and all day I kept paying attention to how things were run, how she did things and how she was feeling in preparation for my own wedding.
At the reception, after the wedding party had been introduced and Tracy finally got to sit down at the head table, I walked up to her and asked her how she was feeling.
"I'm relieved it's over and that I can just relax!" was her answer, and I couldn't help but be happy for her, but also a bit jealous because I'm not quite there yet.
That being said, I've noticed that I've starting to let things go; things that I used to be obsessed with, like my weight and my pride.
In regards to my weight, that's been a soft spot, as I've struggled to lose it for months and I'm far from that ideal, slim bride that every girl wants to be on her wedding day. On Sunday, as I was waiting to fly back to Fort St. John from Vancouver, I was feeling pretty down about my weight; that is until I kind of mentally slapped myself in the face while in line for food at YVR and said, "Katie, your wedding is in 12 days. What difference does a crispy chicken sandwich make?"
And so I had a crispy chicken sandwich, and it was delicious.
Another thing I'm letting go of is my pride. Before, when people I really wanted to come to my wedding said they couldn't go, I'd get a bit upset about it and wonder, "Why not? Do they not care enough? Don't they like me enough to want to go?"
Now, this late in the game, it really doesn't matter. That's not to say I don't care that people can't attend; I'm just not letting it bother me or get me down. I'm not taking it personal, it is what it is, and what does getting strung out about things do except make things harder on myself?
This close to the Big Day, I've become a laissez-faire bride.
I will admit that I had my first big Bridezilla meltdown early last week, but that was more to do with not enough sleep, one too many glasses of wine and trying to get way too much done in a few days. And hey, I'm proud of myself that I've only had one blow up over all these months.
Now, with most things dealt with, there isn't much left for me to do except pray for nice weather, tie up some loose ends and try to enjoy myself (which is hard, but I really am trying).
After all, isn't at least SOME part of this supposed to be enjoyable?
So that's the next thing I need to work on - letting go of the nerves and the stress, and letting myself live in the moment.