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Life is a Beach - Instant rapport with someone

This column is dedicated to making your life a beach.No matter how frustrating, sad or terrible you findyour life right now, there are several simple things that youcan start doing to improve your life. This stuff works, it istime tested.

This column is dedicated to making your life a beach.No matter how frustrating, sad or terrible you findyour life right now, there are several simple things that youcan start doing to improve your life. This stuff works, it istime tested. All you have to do is do it.

A quick review of instant rapport or how to make almosteveryone like you... do this:

1. Smile at them immediately, whether you want to ornot - fake it till you make it!

2. If this person is a stranger or an acquaintance thatyou haven't seen for a while, stick out your hand for areciprocal handshake. If this is a new person you are meetingfor the first time, volunteer your name along with thehandshake.

The combination of a smile, handshake and your nameindicates that you are friendly and the stranger will offer hisname as well. BE SURE to get the name right andREMEMBER it

3. Pay attention during the conversation to the tone, volumeand phrasing used by the person. You are going to'mirror' the speech. Keep them talking about their stuff -keep asking questions and when it is your turn to respond -be very brief and put the spotlight back on them and theirstuff.

Now, take a look at their body language and start tomirror their position and postures. If the person scratchestheir nose, wait a couple of second and scratch your noseor cheek or ear in a similar gesture. If they sit back and puttheir hands behind their head, wait a few seconds and mirrorit - if they cross their legs - you get the idea. It is amazingbut as long as you pause a few seconds, they are notaware of this 'mirroring.' The subconscious message is thesame as with the voice - this guy is just like me and I likethat. Their conscious mind is talking away about the topicat hand and is totally oblivious of these subtle messages.

This takes practice and is best done one segment at atime. If you try to do too much all at once, it almost likeyour schizoid because you still have to keep track of theconversation and prepare intelligent questions.

Subliminal advertising has been around for a long timeand it works. The idea that a salesman or bank clerk canfeel like an instant buddy is a new phenomenon and youshould be forewarned because this warm, cuddly friendlyfeeling can be used to your disadvantage. On the otherhand, if you practice this, you'll never have to feel lonelyagain. You can strike up a conversation anywhere andwithin ninety seconds you have a new friend - and that ispretty important to most of us.

Check out nicholasboothman.com for more details. It'sbeen a long time since Dale Carnagie wrote "How to makefriends and influence people" in the 1930s. This is thespace-age version of the old classic.

Editor's Note: This is a reprint of Gary Lowe's Life's aBeach Column #9, as it was originally printed out ofsequence with the rest. The Daily News apologizes for anyinconvenience this may have caused.

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